Transitions

mailbox set with trash

I write from a rental cottage in Connecticut that Chris and I took for the month of December. I've kept the news on the down-low primarily because I don't want to tempt Fate, but we have sold the bed and breakfast, and are retiring from innkeeping. We are scheduled to close at the end of next week --the closing was delayed two weeks, resulting in more hesitation in sharing the news. Once the closing has  taken place and I know it's a done deal, then I would feel more comfortable in announcing it 

I studied psychology in college because I was fascinated by how people were wired, how they thought, what made them do what they did. Specifically, I was obsessed with why I did/thought/felt what I did, and what it meant. Early on, I took the Myers-Briggs Personality Test (result: ENFT [Extrovert/Intuitive/Feeling/Judging]) and there was a question that has returned to me thousands of times since I first encountered it: 

"Do you prefer things settled and decided, or unsettled and undecided?"

While other answers to questions have changed over the years, to this question the answer remains the same, that of COURSE I prefer things settled and decided. And honestly, I don't understand why everyone wouldn't think the same. 

So I was thinking of that question once again today, as I contemplated my discomfort with not having things Settled and Decided before I announced them...how I feel I can't update my friends on my life until I have a Plan, a Direction, some Concrete News. Specifically, the glitch in our original closing dates on our house in Southampton. Correspondingly, that we have made an offer on a property in CT that we fell in love with. We've been asked to submit our "best and final," which I've garnered is Realtor-speak for "Cut to the chase; just offer what you are willing to pay and don't waste our time."

So we hope to close on our existing property by Friday...and hope to hear about the potential purchase by tomorrow night. And what IF neither happens??? Am I somehow a failure?

Part of me would LOVE to share all of this information, with pictures and dreams and excitement, but a bigger part of me holds back, because, as a plaque in my mother's kitchen warned, Those Who Expect Nothing Will Not be Disappointed.

What is it that makes me so fearful? So unable to share the steps instead of the fait accompli? 

Who is it I think is judging me if I don't win everything I attempt? 

Comments

  1. LynnARDecember 13, 2021 at 3:10 PM

    No judgement from here! We have learned that Life is a big adventure, full of twists and turns. Moment by moment, all shall be revealed! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. NancyDecember 13, 2021 at 3:22 PM

    I will be an adventure no matter what happens. Enjoy the ride!

    ReplyDelete
  3. DCollardDecember 13, 2021 at 4:40 PM

    True growth happens in moments of discomfort. When we are comfortable we are not growing. Being able to sit in the discomfort makes the moment when you transition out of the discomfort into the new, exciting next step that much more gratifying. We've learned something new in the process. Doesn't mean it's easy! You're following your heart and living your adventure real time. Your friends are rooting you on and will be happy for you whatever, whenever what's going to happen happens. You got this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kimberly Burton AllenDecember 14, 2021 at 1:10 PM

      You're so right -- allowing myself to be out of control is not my preferred status quo, but I'm not going to fly without leaving the nest of what I know and feel safe in. Wise words, thank you, Debbie!

      Delete
  4. Marguerite December 14, 2021 at 1:32 AM

    Think of other times you have had that feeling. Didn't everything work out in the end? Maybe not immediately, but here you are having so many adventures that brought you to this place. We can't control our emotions but we can just recognize them and not let them control our actions. You do this every time. You are gold!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kimberly Burton AllenDecember 14, 2021 at 1:06 PM

    I've been thinking about this all day, and yeah, I think "making everything look perfect" was an unspoken expectation in our house. It wasn't as overt as "what will the neighbors think," but rather, more of a feeling of the imposter syndrome -- what if we were caught out? Plus a heavy dose of Scandinavian "don't count your chickens..."

    ReplyDelete
  6. MaryDecember 15, 2021 at 11:06 AM

    We can be our own worst enemies. Your brand, your business was perfect. You made it that way while making it seem easy. You are allowed to not be perfect. Enjoy this next chapter in your life ~hugs

    ReplyDelete

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